Why I’m a Philosopher
Something inside me changed, I don’t know the exact moment it did. I just feel it inside, it dawned on me just like Sisyphus I had taken up a burden of my life pushing it uphill, only for it to come back crashing down on me when I got to the top. And it didn’t matter, not in the sense of I don’t give a fuck, rather in the calm of mind knowing that it matters to you and you love your burden.
I had spent a lifetime searching for the God or gods that had bestowed my fate, I thrust my fists in anger on many occasions.
Why? What is the sense of my pain and suffering? Is this all for nothing? And the response I got was exactly that, nothing. This didn’t sit well with me. You can never console, teach or reason with a person who’s lost meaning in their life. These are those things you’re never really taught about, and we laugh about the petty ones like how we all discovered our sexuality that makes us all weird about it. Simple musings that are rather trivial till life smacks you with the full force of what feels like an atomic bomb smashing your reality into nothingness and all that remains radiates with the toxicity of facing the depths of the human psyche. Disgust, pain, anger, malevolence and despair all follow common vices sex, drugs, alcohol, mindless time wastage these lists are almost infinite, for who knows the full range of negative human emotions and our ingenious ways of evading them.
It is not that emotions and vice have no utility, they do possess a certain necessity, that as a tool with the right craftsman beauty is created from the most unseemly of materials, who knows what can be moulded out of the human character. This is why I am a philosopher, to mould the human character, my character. Always reminding myself that I’m just an apprentice with numerous masters that have paved the way, working on a material that does not easily yield to whatever wants to change it and this is the beauty of philosophy. To stand undaunted despite the negativity, to smile when thought foolish to work daily for on your ignorance trying to discover wisdom, and die before knowing the truth.
